I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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