fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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