Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
