return my video game
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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