I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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