Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
