I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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