Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
