There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
