You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
