I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
