I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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