did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
