We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
