I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
there's paper in my vomit.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Is Oprah even human
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
