You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
