You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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