i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
