he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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