last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
His hands were made for my vagina.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
