dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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