There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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