So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
