he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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