At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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