We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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