Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
