she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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