his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
