Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Randomize
