I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
