6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
