One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
