Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
