eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
