you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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