i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
