I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
