The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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