that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
