I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You're like the curious george of whores
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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