I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
