i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
