I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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