i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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