How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
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