you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
