Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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