Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
