When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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