She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
