Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
