i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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