my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
