DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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