fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
