i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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