When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
