so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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