I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
