I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
