i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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