Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
