matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
