we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize