I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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