He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
