Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
