I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
