just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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